It’s that time of the year again. The alleged joy of the season is often overshadowed by stressful questions, like How/When/Where can I find the Perfect Gift for my lover? What if I think it’s perfect, and she doesn’t? What if I give her X, and she’d rather have Y?
Stop a minute. How about giving her your presence? I mean real, authentic, in-the-moment presence, when you try to understand how she feels and what’s on her mind. Pay attention to what’s happening between you, right here and now. Try lingering with her, enjoying the moments of shared coffee in the morning, or talking about your day in the evening, or making love before making other plans. These are the gifts that keep on giving both of you sensations and images that warm your heart, deepen your connection, bring you joy.
If you’re mindful about giving your presence, you’ll notice something else too. How are you with receiving? Can you accept her undivided attention, and let her know what’s on your mind? Can you let go of trying to meet her needs and talk about your own? Can you be fully present when she wants to please you? Receiving, for many of us, is actually harder than giving, but it’s it’s an equally important part of being present. Presence is reciprocal–it’s not a one-way street.
So remember the most important gift of all: Yourself, your attention, your desire to be present, your willingness to linger together. Then it’s okay if your material gifts aren’t perfect, because your presence is.