At last weekend’s intimacy workshop I was struck by something I’ve noticed at every workshop. Couples who start out being a little tense and standoffish with each other end the day sitting closer, touching affectionately and laughing together.
Why? Could be the workshop helps melt some chronic tension, and brings back warm memories of when things were better. I think there’s something else too. I think it’s about how good it feels to have a space where your public display of affection for your same-sex partner is not only okay, it’s wonderful. This is how we validate ourselves and affirm our sexuality, and re-commit to sustaining sexual intimacy in long-term relationships.
I know internalized homophobia exists–but really I think the bigger problem is externalized heterocentricism. It’s true that each of us carries a ton of anti-gay, anti-sexual messages, and that these can pop back up a million times over the years. But you don’t have to look into your unconscious to see how heterocentric our world is, especially about sexual matters. Romantic ads on TV, pictures on billboards, articles in magazines–they feature a man and a woman, preparing for high-social-approval activities like romantic getaways, honeymoons, walking hand-in-hand on the beach. These are heterocentric messages: sex is a wonderful, important part of a committed relationship–for straight couples. Not for you.
So I love to do these workshops to say sex is good for us too! We also have the right–and the need- to express ourselves physically, to show off our sensuality, to claim this unique bonding and pleasure for ourselves. And I’m so happy to help create a space where we can let our love show.