Sometimes Happy Holidays arent really happy. Expectations of fun and laughter can make people feel sad and lonely. Many of us in same-sex relationships feel a double whammy: we share everyones stress about money/gifts/parties/family expectations, and we have the added stress of negotiating family dynamics around sexuality. Couples wonder if they can share a bedroom when they visit the parents. Single people dread the questionusually popped at the dinner table while surrounded by aunts and uncles and cousins who assume theyre straightWho are you dating these days? All of us constantly re-visit the question of how much to tell whom about our real selves. How much do we abandon ourselves, and our partners, during this season of love and joy?
The particulars of each persons situation have to be worked out individuallybut there are three guidelines that will always help. So I offer these in the hopes that your holidays can bring you more enjoyment and less stress.
- Remember the loving relationships that sustain you day to day. For many of us, friends/partners support us much more than family. If pleasing your family requires abandoning your partner, think carefully. Nurture the most those who support you the most.
- Keep a sense of perspective. Five years from now, will it matter if some gifts aren’t perfect? If the dish you bring to a family dinner doesnt actually taste very good, will anyone really care next month? Or, if someone gets upset about your sexual orientation, might they get over it in five years?
- Focus on enjoying the present moment. Christmas lights, beautiful music, friendly conversationsenjoy these while theyre happening. These are the real gifts of the holiday season.